Who doesn’t love weddings?
- admin1356
- Feb 25
- 5 min read
Well not everyone. Certainly after 28 years of being engaged it never occurred to Andy that he and Sandra would finally get married.
Last year after the filming of The Restaurant that Makes Mistakes, Sandra and Andy spent several weeks on an overseas holiday.
A lengthy career in fashion had meant many years of overseas travel for Sandra, which she’s missed since having to give up work after her dementia diagnosis.
After months of planning, the trip was a success with Andy and Sandra catching up with family and friends in the UK and attending a family wedding in Norway. However, the long-distance travel took its toll.
Sandra’s sleep was so disrupted by the long flights that it took weeks for her to readjust back to life at home.
After many nights of waking up all hours feeling agitated and uncertain, Sandra woke up one day and said to Andy, “I really would like to get married.” So, Andy said, yeah why not.
Andy hadn’t intended to have a wedding with all the trappings, but weddings have a life of their own and soon it became clear he wouldn’t be able to plan this alone.
“When people offer to help, I’ve learnt to accept the offer,” said Andy. “Having that help and support was essential.”
He wrote up a list of all that needed doing and began to share out some of the duties.
Sandra’s sisters organized the cake, one of her carers took Sandra on a shopping trip to find a dress, and a crew member from the TV series found the caterers.
“It just meant there was less donkey work for me to do when I got home from work. Every little job helped. Sandra doesn’t sit still so when I got home it meant I could spend time with her rather than spending hours organising wedding details,” said Andy.
Many friends were more than happy to help. Leveaux Pohio had been a student of Sandra’s at her fashion design course and Sandra had continued to support her over the years, so Leveaux was eager to return that support.
She took Sandra on an outing to K Mart where they chose plates and cutlery and other decorations, then the night before the wedding Leveaux leant her creative eye to decorating the Kawakawa Bay community hall where the reception was held.
There was just one hitch in the final days before the wedding. Before their overseas holiday last year, Sandra’s neurologist recommended to the couple it might be prudent to sort out power of attorney so that Andy could act on Sandra’s behalf in case of an emergency. The neurologist wrote a letter stating that Sandra no longer had the capacity to make decisions on her own.
It wasn’t until it came time to consider the marriage certificate that their lawyer advised the couple that with the power of attorney in place, Sandra could no longer legally sign the marriage certificate.
They were advised that a doctor could overrule the power of attorney, but it wouldn’t happen in time for the wedding.
The celebrant, also a friend of the family, reassured Andy and Sandra the wedding could go ahead with a few alterations to the vows and while the marriage might not be legal, it was still a celebration of their commitment to each other.
And so, on a warm January afternoon on the lawn beside the Kawakawa Bay Community Hall Sandra and Andy got “married.”
Friends and family travelled far and wide to attend and most of the team from the Restaurant That Makes Mistakes were also able to be there to celebrate the day.
Instead of a marriage certificate, Andy and Sandra chose to have their witnesses sign a framed canvas of the lyrics to the Led Zeppelin song, Thank You. The verse was read by niece Claudia and the makeshift signing added personal significance to the moving ceremony.
Afterwards the wedding party and guests moved into the hall for speeches and toasts, singing and dancing, and refreshments.
Anne Logan from Young Onset Dementia Collective organized a van to transport as many of the team from the TV series who could make it. The outing gave everyone a chance to not only celebrate Sandra and Andy’s special day but also to catch up with each other. It was clear that staying in touch with both the participants of the series and their partners continued to be a valuable connection and support for all.
But the day belonged to Sandra and Andy.
“It was a big thing for Andy to do for the woman he loves. Those opportunities to have big moments together slip away. It showed the joy and love he has for Sandra,” said Anne Logan.
“It also showed the importance of having people around you who can help and support,” she said.
After the initial disappointment over the marriage certificate, Sandra and Andy have decided there’s no sense of urgency to make the marriage legal.
“The day felt good,” said Andy, “It felt like we got married.”
For Sandra, the highlight of the day was seeing so many families and friends in one place together. “Everyone was there, talking about the old days, catching up on memories,” she said.
It had been a chance to reconnect with people the couple hadn’t seen in a while, some who weren’t necessarily aware of Sandra’s diagnosis and the challenges ahead.
“It was so good for Sandra to see people,” said Andy. “I want to make the effort to stay connected with everyone, even if it’s just a visit for half an hour on the weekend because Sandra lifts when she sees friends. It keeps her going and makes her a happier person,” he said.
“I’m happy we did it,” said the no longer reluctant bridegroom.
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