Frank
- admin1356
- Oct 3, 2024
- 3 min read
Updated: Nov 4, 2024
“The hardest part, without doubt, is just seeing little bits of her disappearing each day."
Lois is incredibly young to get Dementia, how far-fetched did it sound?
It was bittersweet. It had been driving her crazy, and everyone was putting it down to menopause. So it was a bit of a relief in some ways. But after a while it hits you. She's quite a few years younger than me and we thought we would have a lot more of our lives together before it started disappearing.
It took her some time to tell her extended family and the wider community, what do you think made her change her mind and start telling people?
Yeah, it took a while, but we had some heartfelt chats, with tears and lots of emotion. But we got to the stage where we accepted it. We had dealt with the grief. It was like a light came on and we realised what we were going to do. By that, I mean we will live life to the fullest until such time as it’s not possible. I'm so proud of her for that, she's still giving me life lessons.
How was the diagnosis for her?
Difficult, saddening. It angered her too. She felt inferior, but the more she's been out there speaking to people, the more she has come to understand that this is part of us
How was her confidence when she got the diagnosis?
Prior to all this we were very social. She'd love to have people around and was always cooking and entertaining - the more the merrier. But now, she's very conscious that she doesn't hold a conversation too well. She covers it up, but it takes it out of her, it exhausts her. Before we would go out and about and also travel. Whereas now she's just not confident travelling and says she's happier at home.
Do you feel that is what is going to happen, that the future you had planned is going to disappear?
It's not that we had a plan, we both just took opportunities as they came along and that is where life took us. We are where we are, and, yes, life is (probably) going to be a bit quieter for the next few years. A bit more existing rather than grabbing life by the horns.
Does she ever get down?
Yeah, we all do. With Lois, it's mostly when her energy is exhausted. She sleeps a lot more and that seems to help. But I've noticed the things that get her down are things like anniversaries of parents deaths, things like that.
What's the most important thing now for you looking ahead. What do you want for Lois?
I just want her to carry on with what she's doing. Just be happy, not feel any stress or worry about what's next. Relax and be comfortable. Don't worry about what comes next.
What upsets you the most about Lois's diagnosis?
The hardest part, without doubt, is just seeing little bits of her disappearing each day.
But there's a new grandchild, what does that mean to you both?
Oh, it's been a breath of life for her, this new little thing that she just loves and adores. She's thriving. Every other day she is out buying something for him. He's like the light at the end of a bit of a tunnel. Has it given her a purpose? Yeah, she's quite capable of looking after the little one, it's just bringing a bit more love into the family. She's proud of her family, of where she has come from, of what she has achieved. That's a great way to be, you know.
What help do you need?
My main concern at the moment is how our son is handling this. He gets quite emotional and battles to understand. There needs to be support for the children of people with younger onset dementia.
How are you managing?
Hey, I’m still here but have to admit that I have more stress dealing with work and what we're going through.
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